Chapter 31 Advice to Non-users

31.1 Help get your marijuana-using friends to read this book

First, study the contents of this book and try to put yourself in the place of the user. Don’t force them to read this book by telling them they’re ruining their health or playing with fire. They know this better than you do. Users don’t continue smoking weed because they enjoy it or because they want to, they only tell themselves and other people this in order to retain self-respect. They do it because they’re dependent on it because they think it relaxes them, gives them courage or confidence (pleasure or crutch) and because they feel that life will never be enjoyable without being high — at least their version of it. If you try and force a user to stop, they’ll feel like a trapped animal and want to smoke even more. This may turn them into a secret user and weed will become even more precious in their mind.

Instead, concentrate on the other side of the coin. Get them into the company of ex-users (blogs, forums, MA, etc., though beware of advocacy for the willpower method). Get them to tell the user how they too thought they were hooked for life and how much better life is as a non-user. Once you have got them into believing they can stop, their mind will start to open up. Then start explaining the delusion created by withdrawal pangs. Not only is the ‘high’ not giving them a boost, it’s destroying their motivation and making themselves irritable and tired.

They should now be ready to read this book themselves, expecting to read pages upon pages of stories about memory issues, lack of motivation, cannabis hyperemesis syndrome, etc. Explain that this approach is completely different and references to illness are tiny fractions of material.

In short, don’t let this die in darkness. Tell your friends, but don’t be weird about it. If you try to ‘win’ the conversation or have a debate, you’ll only succeed in alienating them and further increasing their fear.

31.2 Should I tell my significant other?

Should I tell my wife, girlfriend/boyfriend or partner about my habit? (The intention being to assist you in quitting.) There’s multiple factors at play here.

If you’ve already been failing to quit using the willpower method and have already told your partner, tell them about your new approach and allow them to educate themselves by reading the book. They’ll be able to assist and motivate you during the withdrawal period and are a stronghold when the devil on your shoulder attempts to trip you up.

If you’ve only just become aware of the existence of the marijuana trap and haven’t attempting quitting in the past, first use this method yourself. As explained previously, this should be a enjoyable experience. However, if you’re finding it difficult, request their assistance. Be open and vulnerable with your partner and it’ll strengthen your relationship.

Provided you’re enjoying escaping and aren’t finding it difficult through indecision, there isn’t much reason to let your partner know. If it wasn’t an issue in the past, let it die. However, be prepared that your partner might wonder why you’re looking, feeling and performing better!

31.3 My partner is quitting marijuana

Marijuana is an insidious destroyer of motivation and relationships, and while quitting can be done instantly, healing takes time. Many users, due to irrational beliefs spawned from their addiction, take out their anger on partners and loved ones. These behaviours manifest in gaslighting, lying and manipulative behaviours. This isn’t all users, but it’s increasingly common in later stages of the disease. While these behaviours may have manifested from the underlying addiction, it’s important to educate yourself about these behaviours and if recognised, consider seeing a therapist specialising in substance abuse.

If your partner is within the withdrawal period, assume they’re suffering whether they are or not. Don’t attempt to minimise it by telling them it’s easy to stop, they can do that themselves. Instead, continue telling them how proud you are, how much better they’re looking, how much sweeter it is to be with them and how much easier they are in general. It’s particularly important to keep doing this, because when a user makes an attempt to stop, the euphoria of the attempt and the praise they get from peers can help them along. However, they tend to forget quickly, so keep the praise coming.

Because they’re not talking about marijuana, you may think they’ve forgotten and don’t want you to remind them. Usually the complete opposite is the case with the willpower method, as the ex-user tends be obsessed with nothing else. So don’t be frightened to bring the subject up and keep praising them (they’ll tell you if they don’t want to be reminded).

Go out of your way to relieve them of pressures during the withdrawal period, thinking of ways to make their life interesting and enjoyable. This can also be a trying period for non-users who’ve never had the addiction. If one member of a group is irritable, it can cause general misery all-round. So anticipate this if the ex-user is feeling irritable, they may well take it out on you, but don’t retaliate, it’s at this time they need your praise and sympathy the most. If you’re feeling irritable yourself, which is understandable, try not to show it.

One of the tricks an addict will play when trying to give up with the aid of the willpower method is getting in tantrums, hoping that their partner or friends would say “I can’t bear to see you suffering like this. For goodness sake, just take your poison.” The user therefore doesn’t have to lose face, since they aren’t ‘giving up’, they’ve been instructed. If the ex-user pulls this ploy, on no account encourage them to relapse. Instead say, “If this is what marijuana does to you, thank goodness you’ll soon be free. How marvelous that you had the courage to give it up.”

Remember, there are two healing parties within the recovery journey. When your partner is quitting marijuana, it’s important to have your own support network, self-care routines and boundaries. This process doesn’t happen overnight, requiring trust, communication and accountability. Journaling, developing your own passions and most importantly, therapy, assist this process.

31.4 Slipping (relapse)

The existence of this section should serve as warning to those leaving the trap. I will use experiences from interviews with community members and tools from cognitive behavioural therapy to illustrate.

Firstly, calling it a relapse is counterproductive. All that’s happened is that you’ve slipped and fed the devil on your shoulder, which in turn starts up the big brainwashing monster. Users who slip (which, is by definition falling forward) typically spawn a whole range of irrational beliefs:

“I’ll never be free” - Catastrophising

“I should / must exercise, study and be fruitful every single day of my life” (aka - Musterbating)

“Today I smoked weed, so what’s even the use of reading all the books and forums... My goal was to quit, but here I am — a failure — relapsing.” - Low Frustration Tolerance

“My friends / forum readers / others are doing no weed for (n) days, but I can’t so I’m a hopeless case. Felt good yesterday since I studied well and was fruitful, but today I didn’t... I’m going downhill.” - Rating Between Self and Others

“I shouldn’t have thoughts about getting high” - Themselves, parents or their society as a whole has installed rigid beliefs in relation to drugs. Ask yourself if self-flagellation is helping you reach your goals, and if you are, are you enjoying the journey?

Factors that culminate to each user’s brainwashing are seemingly infinite. You know yourself better than anyone else, but it’s obviously a failure to follow instructions. You saw value in marijuana, but how?

What’s often overlooked is that it takes time to reverse the brainwashing. This doesn’t make it any harder, but 420 culture can be found everywhere, and actively countering brainwashing is a conscious process (at least to begin with), so it might take time to fully solidify the lessons contained within. Hence, multiple readings are recommended (you can skip to chapters you’re having difficulty with) and shouldn’t take you long.

A surprisingly common experience for religious users leaving the trap is wanting it to hurt a little bit, as a form of atonement. They find quitting so easy, then feel guilty for feeling this way. But why self-sabotage and make it hard? The devil on your shoulder is very sneaky in this regard.

Disassociate yourself from the little monster — it was added by the cannabis industry long ago. Imagine a bully having a tantrum on the school playground. What do you say to a bully? If you give in, you’ll just reinforce them. Some who quit end up feeding the bully, and so increase their brainwashing, but their conceptualisation of the trap hasn’t changed. Pick yourself up, figure out where you went wrong, and enjoy freedom!

You’re not your urge. Mindfulness meditation is the practice of noticing thought, and there are fundamental lessons in the nature of the mind to be found. It’s highly recommended that you meditate in general, and it’s also completely compatible with religious practice. You can’t fight with yourself, or with the little monster. You’ve got to unconditionally love yourself and the process.

But remove failure from your mind. Here’s a section from “Meditations of a Weed Addict” by Gulliaco (linked in the Resources section at the end of the book):

Since smoking weed offers you zero benefits, it’s something that only hurts you, and it’s extremely ridiculous to want to do something like that, I compare it to drinking bleach. Here you go:

The hard journey of not drinking bleach.

Hi! We are NoBleach and we host rebooting challenges in which participants (“Bleachstronauts”) abstain from drinking bleach for a period of time. Whether your goal is casual participation in a monthly challenge as a test of self-control, or whether excessive bleach drinking has become a problem in your life and you want to quit for a longer period of time, you will find a supportive community and plenty of resources here.

“Sometimes I allow myself to drink one or another glass of bleach. I know about that the “one drop” is a lie, but I don’t think a single glass will hurt. One cannot destroy all the hours that I have spent without doing so.”

“I don’t have a problem stopping drinking bleach, but sometimes I go down the street, and I see someone drinking water, you know, in a glass, and I imagine that the glass has bleach in it. Then I have a craving and, after debating with myself whether I should do it or not, I finally give in at night and drink a glass.”

“Look, my problem is that sometimes, when I’m alone in my kitchen, I start to see the glasses, sometimes I tempt myself by opening the container where I keep the bleach, sometimes I smell it and... Well, I end up right back where I started. I’m so desperate to stop this, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to stop.”

“Stopping drinking bleach is impossible, I mean, I always have a mouth, you know? How am I supposed to stop if I always have a throat which reminds me that I can swallow bleach?”

“Oh man, it was going so well, 19 whole days without doing it. The important thing is to learn from failure! Now I know what to avoid doing: looking at cleaning products in the supermarket. I will try to make it to a month! I’ll reset my counter. Wish me luck!”

If you have an urge, calm down dude! Remember what the hackbook says:

“Bleach is difficult to give up because of fear we’re being deprived of our pleasure or prop. The fear that certain pleasant situations will never be quite the same again. The fear of being unable to cope with stressful situations. In other words, it’s the effects of brainwashing deluding us into believing that buying bleach, and by extension drinking it, is a must for all human beings. Even further, it’s the belief there’s something inherent in affordable bleach that we need, and that when we stop using we will be denying ourselves and creating a void. Make this clear in your mind: Bleach doesn’t fill a void, it creates one!”

And I say: “Suppose you’re forced to stare at a glass full of bleach for five minutes. Try to remember one of those smells that you liked so much. Maybe it’s accompanied by some sound, or you only remember selected details. The bleach is there and you can’t close your eyes or turn your head, because this bleach is in your mind, it’s a memory recorded in you.

Do you feel any craving? Do you feel anything in your tongue or any change in your breathing? What are your feelings about what you are remembering? Get them identified, the bleach wants to cloud them, make them confusing and make you only pay attention to that which wants to catch you.”

With the above, I am not trying to dismiss your feelings, much less say something like “haha me smart you dumb”, but to give you perspective so that you realize how ridiculously easy it is (and always will be) to overcome this addiction. Smoking weed is not like an on/off switch where you say “oh well, I’m in situation X, then I’ll smoke weed”. Fantasies! Lies! How often do you allow yourself to drink a glass of bleach? Never? Why? Because it’s a horrible thing, that’s why! How are you supposed to escape your addiction if you don’t realize that smoking marijuana is a horrible thing to do to yourself?